hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
