remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
