I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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