forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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