I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
