Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
