We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
