I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
