Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
