They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
