Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
