I'm lost and stupid without you.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
