I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
