y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
