Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
