I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
