I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
