The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize