is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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