She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
