Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
