Buhtt sex?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
