If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
