i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize