I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
