Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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