I faked an abortion last night.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
