Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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