We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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