I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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