hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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