i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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