whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
