We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
