My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
