My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
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