oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
