I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
