that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
