i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
