help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize