fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
