am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
