Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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