when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
