i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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