So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
