so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
