how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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