fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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