yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I could make wine with my vomit
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
