the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
