How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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