then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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