the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
