we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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