kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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