my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
