she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
