i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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