i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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