I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
And then my night got REAL pukey
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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