I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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