So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
