take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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