I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
