I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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