I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
time to smoke my breakfast
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
