He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize