I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
