You really coming over, don't trick.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
