Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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